… and, if you’re in a movie, some unbelievably heroic character will arrive in the nick of time and pull you up to safety! However, this is real life, and the end of the rope arrives sometimes before you have even thought about tying a knot!
Sometimes I wish I had super powers, or even some magic dust. It’s tough to see people working through change and not be able to fix their issues, or better still, help them figure a way out of the things that challenge them. In this week’s ‘Campus Update’ (a weekly message to my staff that includes reflections, important information and upcoming calendar items), I wrote about seeking that elusive notion of balance. It seemed to me that my team was working ’round the clock and quite likely their balance was tilted more heavily on the ‘work’ side and not the ‘family’ and ‘play’ side. So, why should that matter? When we’re stressed, our immune systems become weak, our health is affected, eating and sleeping are not a priority, we are more likely to make mistakes, fatigue wipes us out and our families can only hope that we’ll connect back with them (understatement of the year). I should know… I’ve been quite a workaholic for several years. I think I’m much better at making balance a priority now, but I’m not quite there. My husband is my compass at home on this topic – and I’m trying to pass on his message to my team!
We constantly juggle the dynamics and demands of multiple roles that we play and search for a way to become more effective and efficient in what we do. I’ve learned that people typically want to do their best, and as they struggle to do this they may sometimes find themselves in a stalemate. One of those, “I know what I need to do and if only I had a few extra hours in the day to do it…” kind of situations.
As a school leader I see myself working to remove obstacles – problem solving to help us get past the things that keep our feet on the brakes. I ask for their ideas, they share their thoughts and for the most part we can find common ground. I’m fine with making changes to streamline our work, and it’s quite powerful when the changes come from their ideas. However, there are times when the very structure of what we deal with prevents us from shifting the dynamic. And… you just have to hang on!
In my experience, this doesn’t happen often – typically educators are a very creative bunch and we tend to find ways to work through, or around issues. But what if the issue is the box we inhabit – there are boundaries that symbolize limits within which we have to function. For e.g. we only have a fixed number of hours to work with each day – even with very little sleep! And a certain number of days within which we must accomplish our goals. Thinking outside the box is well and good, but when you have to work inside it, you have to learn to persist with what you have. “Take what you have and make it what you need.” said Carol Dantley, a pastor, and wife of one of my professors, when she spoke in a leadership class over a decade ago at Miami University. Her words stayed with me. Sometimes you just have to work with what is available to you. And, wishful thinking… well, that’s available but not much help, right?
“Don’t be discouraged. It’s often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock.” ~~ Author Unknown
Hmm! Easier said than done! Isn’t it annoying to work with a bunch of keys to open a lock? I was in that situation today and it seemed like the last key was elusive. I tried and tried and tried… and then someone else managed to open the lock! It is hard to persist when all you feel is a sense of frustration. I know one of these keys will open the lock, but which one is it? Hopefully, we all will take turns feeling discouraged so that some of us will always hold the key to lift up others!
Sometimes, when I don’t have a solution for the issues that bug my team, and when problem-solving will not shift the boundaries we have to work within, I have to remind myself that perhaps my role is to simply be there for them. To listen, support and guide when possible and lift them up. To help them see that there are things we sometimes have to figure out on our own because someone else cannot move them or make them go away. If we stick with it and hang on, then eventually we’ll find a way to work within the boundaries that are immovable before figuring out a way to move the ones that are easier to shift. The tug-of-war between the concrete vs. drywall partitions in our lives!
A leader plays multiple roles – cheerleader, director, conductor, coach, chef, counselor, nurse, parental figure, stand-up-comedian… the list can go on. The foundation of these roles is clear today – doing what it takes to keep the team moving – encouraging, complimenting, guiding, coaching, listening, supporting – basically being there for them. Would a cape and wand be at the top of my wish list? Yes, absolutely! But, I know those items will always remain only on my list. I have to rely on other tools – and most of them are inside me. They all start with caring enough about my team to stick with them as we continue to march toward our goals, convinced that we will get there together!
Keep on going, and the chances are that you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I never heard of anyone ever stumbling on something sitting down. ~~ Charles F. Kettering
Giving up is not an option. If we persist, today’s boundaries will become tomorrow’s home, and eventually we will begin to focus on some other new challenge because we would have figured out a way to work with what we have. I work in an urban school with incredible diversity and a host of what some would consider to be challenges. In the midst of this, I have seen teams of people move mountains to find ways to support children. I think sometimes they are so dedicated and focused on moving other people’s mountains that occasionally, when they see their own mountains the climb seems steeper. We all know what we want to do for others, but rarely do we place enough value on caring about ourselves.
If some of our obstacles wake us up to the notion of finding balance in our lives, well, then, this bump in the road might just be worthwhile!